I'm writing this from the Remicade chair, 4 weeks after my last dose. As many of you know, the ideal timing is 8 weeks between doses - and generally I feel great after my infusions. But this last dose didn't "take". My ankle and toe are in constant pain, my elbows and hips are sore, and I'm very, very fatigued.
I'm desperately hoping this isn't the first sign of a downward trend. If my honeymoon with Remicade is over, then in a few months I'll be back to the drawing board... again. The fab rheumatologist is even talking methotrexate again - God forbid. I hate that stuff.
When you have a chronic illness, and you feel bad... wait, scratch that, I'm generalizing.
I have a chronic illness, and when I feel bad, I blame myself for my illness. Everyone has some crazy, and this is clearly my crazy talking. I know I can't control my illness. Yet, somehow, those taunting, bitter voices in my head take over and point the finger: at my diet, at my rate of exercise, at that night (ok, nights) in England 20 years ago when I drank way too much, at my lack of blogging. (Because, after all, blogging does prevent psoriatic arthritis). Ha.
I have this elusive feeling that if I could just do ________ (fill in the blank, crazy voices) I would feel better. I just wish I could figure out what _______ is.
So, I'm going to start back on the autoimmune diet, in a week, once this Remicade does has or hasn't kicked in for sure. I'm reading Pagano's book "Healing Psoriasis". I don't know if it will work. But it is something active I can do, instead of being a passive participant on this ride.
I'm falling asleep now (Remicade does that to me), but tomorrow I'll post this great article I just found about how diet can affect autoimmune illnesses. Sleep is good for me too, right?